


Wetwork

by MySoberThoughts



Category: Naruto, Naruto Shippuden
Genre: AU, Action, Adventure, Alternate Universe, Crack Fic, Friendship, Humor, Inappropriate Humor, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-25
Packaged: 2019-04-19 14:54:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14239707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MySoberThoughts/pseuds/MySoberThoughts
Summary: Contract Killers Naruto And Gaara have a bit of a rough road ahead of them after coming out of an early retirement. Is a certain blonde to blame? Or has conspiracy corrupted the Land of Fire? One things for sure, the journey to find the truth will be a hell of a ride. Crack Fic, crack everywhere. Those with sensitive morals have been warned. Rated T-M mostly for violence and Naruto’s mouth.





	1. Simple life

**Author's Note:**

> I look forward to trying out the Ao3 community. But is this is a Fic of mine that can also be found on FanFiction.Net, check it out for earlier updates.

**Disclaimer: Yoooo, I don’t own shit. That is all.**

**xXx**

_**Wetwork** is a euphemism for murder or assassination, alluding to spilling blood._

**xXx**

The smell of dark roasted coffee beans filled the air. A steaming stream of java flowed into an overly jaded styrofoam cup, beauty seemed to clog the room with its thick scent. Simple and distinct, a simple wonder that somehow continued to happen day after day.

But something seemed to trump the coffee's aroma today.

Gaara caught sight a blonde beauty that walked into his coffee shop. Her hair was done up perfectly in a tight, taught bun atop her head. Her make up was precise, yet not overbearing. Just enough to hide what little imperfection that he was unsure she had. Her frost blue eyes were protected by a fashionable pair of frames that he was certain cost a king's ransom. And to add to her already professional appearance, she was draped perfectly in a fashionably sleek purple suit. Adorning a name tag right above her left breast that read "Yamanka, Ino."

_'I find an uppity blonde in a suit attractive?... What even is today?'_ Gaara glanced down at his clock.

0730

_'Hm, maybe I just have poor judgment in the morning.'_

"Can I have a white chocolate macchiato with two shots?" Powerful at a glance, but her order didn't catch him off guard in the least.

'Yep, definitely poor judgment.'

"Just another princess underneath that suit." Gaara spoke low as he began preparing her order.

"What was that?"

"Anything else?" The redhead saved himself before he said anything further. The blonde glanced at her phone and paused a moment.

"Nope, that looks like all she wants." The blonde proceeded to mumble under her breath. "I don't know how people drink this crap anyway."

_'Well, you definitely lost some points.'_ He practically lived on coffee.Hence why he was working full time as an owner of a local java spot. How dare she diss God’s nectar?

Typically he didn't have to serve. But something about pouring a warm cup of coffee for people seemed like a good use of his time. Rewarding in all the right ways, as simple as it was.

"Ok Miss, it'll be out in a moment." Gaara wasn't the kindest person, but he'd never been above common courtesy.

"Hurry it up, please. I've got somewhere to be. I know you probably don't understand, but I don't have time to waste on you." Ino paid him no mind as she avoided eye contact entirely. Buried in her phone as she typed away swiftly. Checking the clock on the wall every five seconds as if it'd get up and walk away.

Her rude statement caught him off guard. He only noticed because he found himself gripping a now crumpling cup of coffee.

"Goddamnit!' A mumble of discomfort escaped him as he pulled his scorched hand under the faucet.

"Hey didn't you hear me? I don't have time for you to be fucking around on something so simple! Is your manager here?" Her voice was bitter as was the attitude dripping from her voice.

"Maybe you should watch your da-" Gaara was cut off by a hand covering his mouth.

"Ma'm I can help you. Gaara. I'll take this one." Right on time, Gaara's best friend, Naruto Uzamaki took charge. "I know you have... more important things to do. So I'll have your drink right away Ma'm.

Gaara watched as the blonde shuffled slowly to the side. A little put off by the new party. The co-manager of the little java chain. Gaara and Naruto had been in working together since the we're kids. Be it their prior occupation or their more simple jobs as managers.

"Well get to it." She mumbled out, diverting back to clock gazing. 

Gaara found himself rushing out of the door before he could hear any more of their exchange. Making his way to the smoking area in the back of the store. Prepping a pre-rolled joint he kept in his dress sock, hidden specifically for stressful situations such as these. In moments a cloud of marijuana smoke filled the sky, and a roll burned darker than his blood red hair.

"Damn. Blondy got you that high sprung huh?" Naruto asked the question, but all he received in response was a curt nod from Gaara.

"I think if you didn't show up when you did then there'd be one more prick in the burn unit. But luckily" Gaara held up his welted hand. "That wasn't the case."

"Hah. I'm starting to think you're getting soft on me. Pass me that."

Gaara passed the joint to an outstretched hand as he looked at his best friend.

"That girl is something else... civilians always know how to get under my skin it seems." He paused." Or maybe it's just blondes."

Naruto a genuine chuckle before he realized. "Hey, dick..."Naruto didn't say anything else as he let a puff of thick smoke pool in his mouth as he made a terrible attempt at blowing little o's into the air.

A harsh fit of coughs was his result.

"Well you know you don't have to deal with the customers. We have five of these shops and well more than enough people to run them. Besides." Naruto motioned at the mounted tv just through the double doors of the coffee shop. "Didn't you hear? Lady Tsunade is passing the torch to Hatake today at the inauguration. The whole city is tunning in."

"Hn, I thought we left the contracting business to stay AWAY from politics? Why do you even care? Hey, don't hog it."

The duo was noticeably red eyed at this point. An air of laze replacing the recently tense atmosphere. An ashing joint fading between passing hands. With every cough, the previous tension seemed to diffuse.

"Do you miss it? Being the military's lap dogs I mean. Easy money, comfortable lifestyle, the action..." the blonde eyed the ground as he ashed remains on the sole of his leather shoes.

"If I did, do you think I'd own a damn coffee chain? I'm done doing the dirty work for a bunch of government pigs."

"Oh come on now. Haha, granny isn't that bad. Hell, Kakashi was even a decent mentor before he went politician."

Gaara gave a pointed look at his companion. Naruto hadn't mentioned their last job in ages, even when his normally talkative nature increased tenfold during their smoke breaks.

"Something you want to tell me?"

"... She called yesterday. Offered us a job, for some serious pay."

"You can't really be considering this, we're done with that shit."

"Yeah yeah I know. Just caught my interest ya know? Apparently, someone has been leaking security information from the Land of Fire to other countries."

"What does that have to do with us, we did wetwork, we're not second rate detectives."

The truth is that both Gaara and Naruto had worked diligently for the government for some years. Fresh out of high school they were trained by countries black ops unit, the Anbu, to more or less eliminate violent threats and enemies of the Land of Fire. Having the honor of being hand picked by Kakashi Hatake, a mentor to both of them in their youth. Stopping only after making enough money to live a more moral lifestyle.

Ergo, coffee shops.

"Well, that's the thing. Apparently, the snitch is partial to killing also. More than a few officials have been dying of "natural causes" lately. And this close to a new Hokage appointment? No way that's a coincidence."

"So what? We assassinate an assassin for the government?"

"Mhm. 12 million she says."

Gaara paused as he looked out toward the still rising sun. The cresting star blazing warming layers down on top of them.

"That's a lot of coffee shops..."

"So what do you think?"

His bit of admiration for the sun didn't last long as the redhead rose, dusting off his pants and heading toward the shop.

"I'm thinking I want one of our overly priced danishes before this conversation ruins my high."

"Hey, boss!! Boss!!" A panting brunette girl burst through the back door. "You have to come see this! The Hokage has been killed!"

"Tenten stop joking around, who the hell would want to take granny out. She's not even going to be in power much longer." Naruto didn't even bother looking up from his closed eyed position on the grassy ground.

"No really! Come check the news **ASAP**." The brunette portrayed no signs of humor as she focused a serious stare between both young men.

Gaara and Naruto exchanged a glance before bolting inside to find the breaking news already flashing on all the tv's in the little shop.

"Well." Naruto paused, focused on the news, hands clinched with a vice grip. Headlines read: "The Honorable Lady Tsunade had been poisoned in her own office and died mere moments ago in route to the ER."

" I hope you don't mind. But retirement might have to wait a while."

**xXx**

Gaara and Naruto busied themselves rushing people out of the coffee shop, urging them to pick up and leave as fast as possible.

"Sorry lady this is an emergency." Naruto gently rushed a little old lady out the door, her purse and coffee in hand as he passed them to her once she was completely out of the building.

"Why I never!"

"Sorry!" He quickly slammed the door shut and brought down all the curtains as to cover up the shop.

"Tenten I need you to get rid of the rest of the staff and go open up the locker." Gaara gave orders as he lifted a rug behind the coffee shop service counter, revealing a button style floor safe. A few taps of a combination later and a blacked out 36 special was revealed, tucked neatly away in the safe next to some spare ammunition.

_'I'm glad I decided to keep all my favorite things so close to each other. Coffee, guns, pretty girls... why am I coming out retirement again?'_ His train of thought was derailed by a loud crash coming from the storeroom. Followed by a not so manly yell of pain and an enthusiastic chuckle from Tenten.

_'Oh yeah, that's why.'_

"Goddamnit Naruto what'd you do now-"

"Who the **FUCK** puts a shotgun on the top shelf?!"

Gaara was approaching the room at this point, gun tucked neatly in his waistband beneath his barista apron. The sight he came across was a grunting Naruto holding his foot and spinning in circles on the ground and a laughing tenten clutching her stomach, gasping for air. Lastly, a heavy, wood detailed, double barrel shotgun on the ground adjacent to them.

"No seriously Gaara, who puts the HEAVIEST GUN WE HAVE in the highest place possible and expects this NOT to happen?!" Naruto legitimately stopped squirming to stare daggers at Gaara from the ground.

"Naruto." The redhead remained calm as he crossed his arms and simply looked at the two of them.

"What?! And Tenten shut the fuck up! It's not funny."

"You organized last. With the reasoning, and I quote, "I don't want short stacks like you being able to reach my girl."

_'5'7 isn't even that short. Dick’_

This only mad Tenten laugh louder.

"Karma's a bitch ain't it?" She stifled her laughter as she rose up with some visible effort. "You can't make me laugh like that, I might have an aneurysm."

Naruto flipped her the bird from the ground before Gaara helped him to his feet.

"So what's the plan." The tone shifted as Naruto was finally all business.

"Call over to the capital building. See what Shikamaru can tell us. No sense going around guns blazing if we don't even know what the hells going on." Gaara proceeded toward the cabinet, pulling out an additional pocket sized pistol and a slim grey bulletproof vest. Slipping off his apron and shirt in favor of the protective material. "Tenten be a dear and get me something to put over this." A noticeable blush was present on the girl due to Gaara's sudden lack of modesty but she obeyed as she quickly bolted out of the room.

_'Hm, guess I still got it.'_

"Anything?" The question was directed toward Naruto who got a dial tone for the third time in a row.

"Nothing, that's not like hi-" The blonde was abruptly cut off by a call from an unknown number.

_"Oh! We gonna rock down to Electric Avenue!"_

"... Seriously?"

"Shut up. Don't judge my taste in music, emo queen." Naruto said, bobbing to the beat for a moment.

_"And then we'll take it higher!"_

"Naruto answer the damn phone!"

"Oh yeah." A pause. "Hello? Yeah, what the hell is going- Hey slow the fuck down Kakashi what do you mean where am I? WORK. It's two in the damn afternoon. "

If Gaara had eyebrows, they'd be raised in confusion.

About this time Tenten came back with two flannels, one red for Gaara and another orange for Naruto.

"I got you something both that wouldn't be too obvious. Hey, what's going on?" Clearly referring to the blonde that was yelling at his phone receiver.

"Kakashi called him, but Naruto doesn't seem to be able to conduct a civil conversation."

"Um, guys." Naruto hung up the phone and fixed his orange flannel to drape over his own vest. Complete with black jeans and chucks, the outfit was somewhat inconspicuous. Even for the boisterous individual. "Do you want good news? Bad news? Orrr, worse news?"

"Good news." The answer was almost simultaneous.

"Sooo, we have a lead. Kakashi just told me that Danzo is the only person with even the slightest reasoning to want Tsunade dead."

"How's that even make sense? Danzo was her second, but the title was handed over to Kakashi today."

"Normally you'd be right." It was Gaara who answered Tenten's question." But the law clearly states, if the current Hokage is unavailable, their second in charge will take over in any case that's the Hokage is ill or otherwise unavailable."

"I guess that makes sense... so it looks like Danzo, or at least one of his supporters wants him in power?" Naruto and Gaara nodded in agreement of her deduction.

"Hah! Well, get this." Naruto closed his eyes as he tilted his head toward the ceiling to maintain composure." Kakashi just gave me that call from jail. Turns out Danzo and his delegation placed anyone associated with Granny and Kakashi into ROOT holding until the investigation is "resolved." That's our bad news if you couldn't Sherlock that one out."

"Wait wait wait. ROOT. You mean **THE** Anbu ROOT?"

_'There's no way Naruto did what I think he did.'_

"Tenten you need to get out of here. Now." Gaara started shoving the brunette towards the rear exit before a disrupting explosion was from the front of the shop.

"... Naruto, what the hell was that?"

"Wellll..." Naruto took a deep gulp as he rummaged around in the gun locker, fitting himself with two 9mm and at least a half dozen knives. When he was done he walked over to an industrial sized fridge and pulled out two danishes. Gaara's irritation grew as the blonde continued to ignore him.

"That'd be the Anbu ROOT. Either coming to kill us, or take us to jail. AKA, the worse news..." Naruto said, slowly shying away from the fuming redhead.

"What. Did. You. DO!?" It was Tenten's turn this time to display her aggravation.

"Aha! About that, funny story."

_'I hate when I'm right.'_

"Attention." A megaphone could be heard just on the other side of the door. " Come out with your hands up, we are authorized to use deadly force if you do not comply."

If looks could kill, Gaara would've murdered Naruto a dozen times over.

"I may or may not have been doing a few side jobs for the Hatake corporation." The blonde extended a shaky hand toward the fuming redhead. The treat in hand.

"Danish?..."

_*Sigh*_

**A/N: Gaara and Naruto are both about 24 for the sake of the story. If you have any questions feel free to leave a comment.**

**Don’t take this too seriously or you might just hurt yourself.**

**Tell me your thoughts damnit.**

**Peace- Sober T**

"Someone speaking."

_'Someone's thoughts.'_


	2. Traffic Jams and Brotherly Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Hunt begins

**A/N: I'm really having fun with this one. Gaara and Naruto have always been a duo I enjoy writing/reading about. But anyway, let's get into it.**

**xXx**

"Ok. So I get that you're upset."

"Mhm" Gaara responded mindlessly as he sent stray shots over the coffee shop counter.

"And I get the punch to the nose." Naruto tossed a grenade into the shops seating area, resulting in the flailing screams of flying bodies.

"Yup" Gaara continued to shoot, doing his best to ignore his friend's distractions.

"But... But did you have to fuckin knock the danish on the floor like that?! They're fucking **expensive** man." Naruto choked out through a mouth full of pastry.

"Seriously not cool-" Gaara snapped his attention toward the blonde.

"Naruto I swear to god if you bother me about baked goods again I will fucking murder you-"

"Watch out!" Naruto dove to his friend's aid, knocking him out of the way of an aggressor brandishing a short blade. Sending the blade back into the man's neck.

"HAH! BOOM BITCH! Come on bro you got to keep up, I'm up by three right now." Naruto continued to grin before his face fell as Gaara raised his revolver in Naruto's direction.

"Woah now, I know you're mad but wait!" Naruto raised his hands in a pleading motion before Gaara shot off a round anyway just right of his head.

**BANG**

"Two. You're up by two." The body of a would-be assailant dropped dead behind Naruto.

"GOD DAMNIT GAARA! You know, you're the reason I can't hear shit in the first place!" Naruto was currently on the ground clutching at his ear in pain from the sudden sound of close gunfire.

"Serves you right." Gaara holstered his gun under his flannel as he walked towards the rear of the shop once again. A flailing Naruto still on the ground.

"Tenten you can come out now." On cue, the brunette appeared from the safety of the large gun locker, one of Gaara's pistols in hand.

"Mind telling me what that's all about?" Gaara ignored her question entirely in favor of one hand reaching for his gun and the other reaching past her into the locker, pulling out a set of keys.

"Here, take Naruto's truck and head home. If the police ask you what happened, say you ran away from work when shots rang out." Naruto burst into the room, one hand still covering his afflicted ear, and dried blood still painting his upper lip.

"You can't just give out MY car like th-"

" Thanks boss!" Tented swiftly kissed Gaara on the cheek and was out the back door before Naruto could continue his rant. Stopping only at the door for a moment. "You know you look kinda good when I dress you." With a wink, she was gone.

" You think she meant me-"

"You wish."

"I think I hate you..." Gaara steadily ignored his statement as he brought a hand to his cheek. Wisely deciding to decipher that later, he turned his attention back to his complaining companion.

"That's not the issue here. Explain to me why Anbu ROOT are assaulting me in my own coffee shop."

" _Our_ coffee shop. And. Well..."

"Spill." Gaara was had closed the distance between the two at this point and had his arms crossed in an expecting manner.

"Kakashi convinced me. He called me up about a month ago with some contracting offers wanting me to post security on a few of his intelligence buildings."

"Hm. How much money did it take to "convince" you?"

"Uhh, about that."

_'If he says for free. I may kill him.'_

"I did it for free. But wait!" Naruto held up his hands to push back and advancing Gaara. " I did it because he's our mentor man, I felt like I owed it to him."

"So on what level of gratitude is it custom to almost be killed!?"

"That's the thing! We caught more than a few ROOT guys trying to break in. Whatever they were trying to find must be the reason for all of this."

Gaara took his hands off Naruto and began to casually pace the room.

"So you think this has something to do with him being elected? That doesn't make sense, Kakashi doesn't have that many enemies."

"Yeah but that doesn't mean someone doesn't want that kind of power for themselves." Naruto was serious for a change, his attention focused on the mystery at hand.

"Hm. We really need to get in touch with Shikamaru."

Almost in tandem, Naruto's phone began to ring.

_"Oh no! We gonna rock down too electric avenue-"_

"No seriously. That's the ringtone you chose as an " _adult?_ "

"When you pay my phone bill you can start micromanaging me short stack."

"Naruto answer the phone!"

"Oh yeah. Hey, look!" He pulled out his phone so that the caller idea was visible for both of them.

"Speak of the devil. Put him on speaker phone." Naruto proceeded to do as he was told as he took a chair, beckoning Gaara to join him.

"Hey Shika... where ya been?"

"Listen Naruto, is Gaara near you?" The typically chill Nara sounded frantic over the phone, bearing an out of character sense of urgency."

"Here."

"Good. The capital building just got some important news. The poison used to kill Hokage Tsunade was placed in coffee coming from one of your Coffee shops."

"Meaning?" Gaara demeanor was impatient, more questions were arriving without any clear means or answers.

"Well, the issue is. The last person to give the Hokage her morning coffee was a tall blonde, with blue eyes."

"Hey asshole, are you saying I killed Tsunade?! She's like a mother to me."

"No, you twit... Troublesome." The duo noted the physical breath and pause he took before continuing.

"It was a woman. Ino. Ino Yamanaka. And I know her personally. You need to find her before ROOT finds you. I'm not sure of her intentions, but the footage shows it to be her."

"Ino? Never heard of her." Although Naruto had a habit of forgetting most people he met anyway.

"And if she's on camera whys it matter? That's proof right there!"

"The only "proof" is that a ditzy looking blonde brought her coffee from YOUR shop. Catch my drift? If someone wants to blame you two, it wouldn't be too hard."

"Good point..."

'Yamanaka?'

"Wait. Where'd you say you knew her from Shikamaru?"

"Childhood friend, but I haven't seen here in Konoha in months. She runs a club on the east side, just across the street from Ichiraku."

"Thanks. Shikamaru we got to go, Naruto come on." Gaara slammed the phone shut and hastily tugged Naruto towards the exit.

"Wait what's going on? Do you know her?"

"She's the hot blonde who hates coffee!"

"Huh?" Yet another common case of Naruto forgetting individuals he just met.

"Forget it, let's go."

"... Oh... well, I'm driving." Naruto followed suit as Gaara made his way to public parking.

xXx

The ride to East Side was filled with eventless scenery and conflicting musical interest.

"Why the hell are we listening to Manson anyway? I'm in a good mood. Not an "I hate my life and parents" kinda mood."

A hard rock melody could be heard blaring from the car on the beautiful midsummer day. The genre itself didn't match the scenery, but a certain redhead didn't seem to mind it too much.

"My car. My rules."

Naruto and Gaara were currently rolling down the street in Gaara's mate black camero. The interior was all burgundy leather and there wasn't an item out of place in his exceptionally clean car.

"Yeah, whatever... emo queen." Naruto mumbled under his breath, deciding instead to take his frustration out on the road, doing 70 in a 35.

"You realize the entire police station is probably on patrol for us right? Mind slowing the fuck down?"

Speak of the damn devil and he will appear.

Sirens blared as the duo zoomed by a seemingly empty city street.

"Um... oops." Naruto dared not look to the right of him in fear of facing the redhead's wrath. "It's ok! I can just outrun them, no police can keep up with this monster."

"And risk the whole city knowing our location? No, just pull over."

_'I'm suddenly very aware why I never let him drive anymore.'_

"Fine..." The car pulled to an abrupt stop on the curb of the street, nearly clashing with a nearby hot dog vendor.

_'Or do anything for that matter.'_

A cop strolled over to the car casually. One hand placed loosely on his hip holster, and the other brandishing a Konoha Police Department badge and ticket book. The tall brown haired man tapped on the car window lightly with an elbow.

"Evening gentlemen. Do you know why I pulled you over today?" The questioning officer didn't bother looking up at the boys from the traffic ticket he was jotting down.

"Look I'm sorry officer, I know I was speeding like an idiot but my mother just crashed- Hey wait a minute!"

_'Is that?'_

"IRUKA! I didn't know you were working today big bro?" The officer in question raised his scarred nose over the bridge of his half-written ticket.

"Oh, Damnit Naruto! You can't go speeding around like that you little shit!"

The man was for a better lack of words at this point, gripping Naruto's collar through the window.

Ironically enough Iruka had served as Naruto's guardian for most of his life until he became a contractor. Iruka himself joined the Leaf Police Department to support him and his adopted son as soon as he was of age. The two had grown up together after Naruto's parents passed away. However, the relationship resembled more that of brothers and the officer occasionally visited his coffee shop to harass his little brother and keep him in check. The two shared mutual parent figures in both Jariya, whom they both saw as a father figure, and the late Tsunade, whom they both of them ended up working for at some point in their career.

"And what is this I hear about a SHOOTING?! You're coming with me." Iruka started pulling the blonde through the still closed car, yanking him roughly through the open window.

"Iruka I'm a PROFESSIONAL killer! Stop treating me like a baby!" Iruka knew full well of Naruto's prior career but refused to treat him as anything other than an irresponsible kid brother.

"WERE. You **WERE!** Now bring your ass on already."

"Iruka... we don't have time for this." Gaara said.

The man paused only long enough to look over at the passenger side.

"Gaara if you don't have enough "time" to explain to me why my kid brother is killing people like a lunatic on a damn Monday afternoon then I'll have to kick your little ass too."

"HAH! Told you you're tiny!" Naruto fell into a fit of chuckles before being promptly dropped on his head on the concrete from his suspended position in the window.

"... ow..."

"Spill Gaara. Before I Call Temari Down here."

"Iruka. We're not 13 anymore."

"Well, I guarantee her backhand doesn't care what age you are. Spill."

_sigh_

"All you need to know is that we're in a bit of a tough situation. I need you to trust us explicitly, otherwise, me and Naruto might not be making it home anytime soon."

"And why should I trust you on this?"

"Little help?" Naruto groaned from below, his face planted firmly on the ground as his feet sat stuck in the window.

Gaara continued on anyway.

"Because I've always been the responsible one." Gaara motioned one hand at the blonde as if in comparison.

"Fair point." Iruka placed his ticket book in his back pocket and held his chin in thought.

"Do I want to know?"

"Trust me when I say you might kill him where he stands if you did."

"You'll report to me within the day. I'm sure you're aware of the ENTIRE city looking for info on your location."

Gaara gave a nod in response.

"Take care of Naruto for me Gaara." Iruka paused as he picked Naruto up off the ground and started walking back towards his squad car.

"And you're driving!" Iruka yelled back over his shoulder.

"Thanks, Iruka." Naruto waved, still dazed from his fall amongst today's other events.

"I'll see you Sunday for dinner!"

Iruka doubled back before he could make it halfway.

"Naruto..." The older man embraced him.

"Find whoever did this. And make them pay." Iruka was a man of the law, but family always came first. Naruto saw Tsunade as a mother figure, so it was natural that Iruka treated her with the same respect.

"Without a doubt."

"I'll tell them you were spotted on the West Side of town."

xXx

"No seriously. What's the plan?"

Naruto had been pestering Gaara for about an hour now in nonstop traffic. The two had been treated to a hot afternoon on the highway with no real form of entertainment. Having thrown out their cells as not to be tracked by the police.

"For the hundredth time. " Gaara picked at his nails. Occasionally slamming on the brake after their two or three feet of movement.

"Find her. Kill her. Done."

"..." Gaara could feel the look of obvious disappointment burning into the side of his skull.

"What?" There was no answer from the blonde.

"Naruto. WHAT?"

"You know what! We don't go killing people off of a hunch. We need a confession. Or at the very least some fucking proof!"

"Yeah. I know. I just don't know where to start."

"Well actually. I might have some thoughts on that."

Gaara raised an eyebrow at his comrade. The thinking typically was left to him without much question, but he'd never been one to shoot down a good idea.

"Sooo, I was thinking."

"Yeah?"

'This better be good.'

"That we go get some Ramen at Ichiraku."

"You must like being punched today-"

"AND. And. And! We scope out the joint. It's literally right across the street. Plus we know the owners. So it'd be ideal to hide out, right? I looked this place up before we tossed the phones. The "Lotus Bomb" it's some new club. We should wait until dark to make a move anyway."

It was on record that Naruto Uzamaki ate the more bowls of ramen per week at the shop than anyone in the ENTIRE CITY. So it wasn't entirely hard to see why hiding there would be out of the option. The Ichiraku staff treated him like royalty when he came through.

"How do I know you're not just hungry?"

_'I know better than to think this was completely strategic.'_

"So what if I am? I'm still high as a fucking kite, and I'm grieving. I deserve this." It was true, Naruto's eyes were still glazed over. Either from the herb or the tears he'd been fighting back since that morning, Gaara would never know.

'I guess we can rack this up as our best option.'

_sigh_

"Soooo?"

"Fine."

"Yes!-"

"But you're buying."

**xXx**

**A/N: What'd you think of Iruka? I've always wanted the chance to write about him.**

**For those already following: Some beta work had to be done, expect a fresh chapter in a week or so.**


	3. Stake Out

"That's a trick question, right? YES I want the special, Ayame!" Naruto was grinning ear to ear as he embraced the young ramen shop waitress. A pretty brown haired girl who wore a plain apron and her hair back in a long ponytail.

"Oh and a bowl of whatever for my brooding friend."

"Coffee is fine Ayame." Gaara waved at the blushing girl currently caught in Naruto's bear hug.

"Naruto she can't breathe, let her down."

"Shit!" Naruto quickly released the girl, whom noticeably took in a desperate breath.

"It's ok Naruto. Just be a little more gentle next time?" The girl was currently holding one over her chest as she braced herself.

"No problem! Hey, can I ask you a favor?"

The girl perked up at the sound of his request.

"I'm certain you can. What's up?"

"Can we take the private booth upstairs? We might be here a while."

"No problem Naruto-kun, anything else?"

"Yeah..." Naruto's grin dropped as he got a little closer to her, all previous humor absent from his face.

"We're not here. And I mean if ANYONE asks, we're not here. Ok?" Ayame seemed confused but nodded regardless.

"Ohhh I get it. Is this." The girl pointed a questioning finger at the two of them.

"A date?..."

"What?! NO-"

"Not on his life dear. The media is just not on our side lately. That's all you need to know." Gaara responded while Naruto stood jaw open and awestruck at her accusation.

"Oh Okay then guys, this way."

**xXx**

The reality of the boys "stakeout" was that of extreme simplicity. Mainly involving Naruto eating copious amounts of ramen, and Gaara silently drinking bottomless pots of coffee.

"Looks pretty unimpressive if you ask me."

"Most clubs are during the day. You'd know that if you ever actually left the house Gaara." Gaara, however, ignored his statement in favor of sipping his coffee.

"Yeah, but those things called people? Not a fan. An antisocial introvert with insomniac tendencies probably shouldn't be around so many people anyway."

"I don't think you'd be such an insomniac if you didn't drink four pots of fucking coffee every day-“

" **Three**. Three pots.” Gaara corrected. “And Naruto. Don't go there."

"I'm just saying bro, that's waaaay too much-"

"There's **never** too much!" Gaara slammed down his mug as he finished his 6th cup in their 2 hour stakeout.

"... you need a girl man."

"And you need to remember you have one before Sakura snaps your dumb ass in half."

"Oh, shit..."

"You just remembered you don't have your phone didn't you?"

Silence.

"Naruto?"

_'He's probably processing his limited mortality right now.'_

"Gaara she's going to FUCKING MURDER ME!"

_'Or thinking out his will.'_

"Can I have your truck if she does?"

"No Gaara seriously, I'm supposed to meet her parents today. I'm fucking DONE!" Naruto ran his hands through his blonde locks in a frantic motion.

"I'm sure she'll understand that her ex-contract killer boyfriend is being pursued by government assassins."

"You think so?"

Naruto face planted on the table when the unthinkable happened. Gaara busted out into a fit of laughter.

"Yeah, good luck with that." Gaara wiped away a tear threatening to drop from the corner of his eye. "Thanks, I needed that."

"I have to tell her. Like now." Gaara stopped his friend as he sprung out his chair to find the nearest telephone.

"That we're being hunted? I think not. It'll only make the situation worse. Plus, in case you don't remember, we're on a stakeout." Naruto reluctantly sat back down.

_'I can't have him jumping the gun right now.'_

"Fine... hey look." Naruto pointed across the street from their topside view in the ramen shop."People are starting to go in."

_'Yeah, but a really strange selection of people...'_

"Notice anything weird though Naruto?"

Gaara nodded at the advancing group of people in line, the line was already beginning to form as the sunset came in.

"They're all... chicks?" Indeed the line did seem to be made of primarily females. The occasional well dressed male breaking the seemingly endless streak of women.

"Isn't that like, batshit backward?"

"One would think so." Gaara said.

"Hey, Ayame." Gaara waved over the waitress who had just come up the stairs with another pot of fresh coffee.

_'Bless her.'_ Gaara loaded his cup up with the pot once more.

"What do you know about the club over there?" Both eyes of the duo fixed on the endless line of people dressed up to go in.

"You mean the Lotus Bomb? It's like the biggest thing happening right now in the Konoha Nightlife. How do you not know about it?!"

Naruto cut him off before he got a chance to speak.

"Princess here doesn't get out much, he just broods in his room. And as for me." Naruto brought his attention back to the waitress. "Seems kinda girly. Doesn't it? Not my scene."

"Nothing's your scene if Sakura is just going to humiliate you in public regardless... idiot."

"Hey watch it-"

"Well actually." Ayame waited for the two to stop squabbling before continuing.

"It's kinda like a Sadie Hawkins kinda thing. All women are allowed, but males have to be escorted by a woman. Miss Yamanaka seems to be a bit more pro-woman than the average lady."

"You've met her?"

"Of course. She hosts every night without fail."

_'That's definitely different. Explains why Shikamaru hasn't seen her lately.'_

"She comes and greets as many couples as she can. She used to bring this really handsome pale guy with her, but he stopped coming some time ago. "Sai" something I think?"

"Makes since why there are so many chicks then. But do you have to dress like that tool to get in?" Naruto pointed a questioning finger at one of the guys in line, who happens to be sporting a tacky hot pink suit, matching the female on his left who wore the same offending color.

_'If my eyes could vomit...'_

Ayame held back her laughter with a blanketed hand to the mouth.

"Oh God **no**. But a suit of some sort is required." Ayame continued to laugh freely as she headed back downstairs to check on the other customers.

The two looked across the table at each other for a moment before Naruto broke the ice.

"Well. You heard her." The blonde rose and stair yes heading towards the staircase.

"And where do you think you're going?"

"To the payphone out back."

"To call who? Death incarnate?"Gaara followed suit.

"Sakura is going to murder me when she finds out what we've been up today. AND that I need her to bring me on a date."

xXx

The phone call itself went about as expected. The pinkette in question had been yelling mercilessly through the phone at her "moronic" boyfriend for all the shit he'd gotten into.

"How'd it go?"

Naruto simply responded by digging in his assaulted ear with a pinkie.

"Just great... although I think both ears are fucked up now."

"So is she coming?" Gaara had been watching his friend be verbally abused for what seemed like an eternity, but what was in reality about 5 minutes.

Naruto sat down next to his friend on the pavement.

"She wants me out by next week."

"HAH!"

Hell froze over as Gaara began the impossible again. But this time his arm was met by a barrage of punches from Naruto.

"Hey, HEY! She's a bitch anyway! Stop your crying."

"Dick! At least I had a better chance of getting a date than your antisocial ass."

_'Oh really?'_ Gaara said nothing as he made his way to the payphone and dialed a number.

"Yes, Tenten?" Naruto listened closely to Gaara's side of the conversation.

"We're going on a date, k? Mhm. Meet me at Ichiraku at nine-"

"There's no fucking way-" Naruto was busy mumbling under his breath in annoyance from the apparent success of Gaara's conversation.

"Oh and bring a suit for me and Naruto from the north side shop." The conversation went on for about another minute before he said his goodbyes and hung up, walking back over to his friend.

"See? Easy."

"I really think I hate you."

"Ah. And here I thought I was such a loveable guy."

"So what am I supposed to do then? Be the biggest third wheel ever?"

"She's bringing that Hinata girl you should've asked out in the first place."

Hinata being another girl that worked at their main coffee shop. A beautiful indigo haired girl that was obviously head over heels for the unknowing blonde. Gaara knew his relationship with Sakura was doomed for failure, but reluctantly he kept his opinion to himself and let him pursue the pink haired girl without discouragement.

"You got me a date?

"Unless you'd rather play the girl as my date."

"You? You really think you'd be the guy?? Fat fucking chance-"

"You're welcome." Gaara laid back on the ground in the security of the well secluded ally. Taking in the setting sun and the sound of the bustling Konoha streets. He casually fished out a joint from his front flannel pocket.

"Well, I'm sure as hell not doing this sober. That many people might literally make me combust." Gaara held out a hand to his friend who always seemed to have some form of fire on him, be it matches or a lighter.

"Do you really think she did it?" Naruto mentioned of course, Ino, as he passed Gaara his favorite frog lighter.

"If she did." Gaara took the first puff before passing it over to Naruto. "Then Tsunade will have justice served."

"Let's... let's not mention her until it's done." Naruto took a drag as he too found himself on the floor, looking up into bleeding blend of red and orange. The almost painted sunset being the first calming moment in a day of complete chaos.

Gaara could only be there for his friend as he silently grieved.

"Of course. Until it's done."

"Man." Naruto closed his eyes as he propped his feet up upon one another. Taking in the peace of the moment. "Today fucking sucks."

xXx

"I look fucking stupid." Naruto fidgeted with the orange tie choking at his collar.

"What else is new?" Gaara retorted as he adjusted his own suit.

"Ok, fucking try me shorty. I've had enough of your shit today!-"

"I think it looks good Naruto. Here, let me help you." Tenten assisted the disgruntled man with the task.

Meanwhile, Gaara smoothed over his own black suit in the mirror. Fixing a perfect knot in his blood red tie. Taking care to make his hair especially disheveled and that his black cufflinks were perfectly in place.

The group was currently occupying the top floor of Ichiraku Ramen, which doubled as a living space. Ayame had been kind enough to let the duo stay there for the remainder of the night as a favor to Naruto.

"And what about you handsome, need some help?"

_'Undressing maybe.'_

"Sure." Gaara discreetly undid his tie before he turned around. "I can't seem to get this tie down."

"Well, I can help with that." Tenten gracefully closed the gap between them, standing up on the tips of her toes to reach the hem of Gaara's collar. Her hands carefully pulled him to her level as she fixed his tie, all the while keeping her eyes on his.

It came out even better the second time.

"You know, this might have been pretty nice if it was a real date." She said, giving him a wink before pulling away.

"What makes you think it's not?"

"Gaara don't tease, I know you're working..."

"I'm not the tease."

Tenten wore a beautiful strapless Manila dress that stopped short of her knees. Her typical double buns were let down into a long stream of chocolate brown hair that complemented her modest heels of the same manila shade.

"Oh stop, you'll make me blush-"

"Uhh, you know I can step out if you guys want." Naruto motioned over his shoulder to the door.

"No need. Hinata should be here soon anyway." Tenten answered quickly, distancing herself from Gaara.

_'God damn it Naruto...'_

"Hey." Naruto was spinning around in front of the mirror. Looking himself over without the jacket on.

"Where the hell are you keeping your guns in this damn thing??"

xXx

Hinata showed up at exactly 9:30. She dressed in a strapped midnight blue dress that parted in the middle, dipping dangerously close to her lower back. Black flats were on her feet and shiny black studs were on either earlobe. Her hair done up in a simple bun atop her head.

"...Wow." Naruto's jaws was agape at the sight of her.

"Naruto be polite. Either close your mouth or say hello." Gaara gave him a rough punch to the shoulder before the blonde responded.

"S-sorry." Naruto snapped out of whatever temporary world he'd been caught in.

"Hey, Hinata. You look great!" He wasted no time embracing her. The hug being well received.

"Th-thank you Naruto. You look very handsome." The girl seemed about ready to pass out from the excess attention. "Um, Naruto... what is that?" Naruto quickly released the girl at her question.

"Oh yeah. That..." Naruto made his signature goofy smile as he rubbed both hands on the back of his head.

_'Did this idiot really keep his gun in his waistband?! There are thigh rigs for a reason.'_

"Would you believe me if I said I was just happy to see you?"

There was silence, but the ultimate result was Hinata's blood red face at his brash question.

"Umm, Hinata?"

And then the slight thump as she hit the floor.

"Hinata! I was just kidding, I'm so sorry! Look." Naruto was busy waving the now fallen girl in his arms, trying to cool her down from her sudden fainting spell.

"It's my pistol! See?" Naruto waved the barreta he had concealed on his waist. But the result of this was less than favorable.

"It's harmless-"

"Naruto! Why on earth do you have a gun?!"

_'Oh boy. Here we go.'_

The blonde thought long and hard before he answered. Helping the girl up off of the ground as he dusted down her disheveled frame.

"... protection?"

Tenten distracted Gaara for a while while the disaster of a conversation ensued.

"So why don't you guys just tell her what's going on?" Tenten asked as she gently nudged Gaara in the side.

"To say the girl Is a bit frail would be an understatement. It's probably best if she doesn't know. And besides" Gaara reached for a small glass of whiskey he'd prepared for himself, bringing it casually to his lips for his first sip of many. "You see how out of it he is? He can't trust anybody in this condition. And I'm not sure she'd be too excepting of our "bad boy" lifestyle like you are."

"I never said I liked bad boys..." Tenten muttered under her breath.

"Well, you never said you didn't either." Gaara ignored the stare he got for his bold comment as he finished his glass. Choosing to focus on the diminished wellbeing of his friend.

It was true. The day's events had taken a toll on the young man. With a death in the family and the added burden of having your own life in danger; it was no wonder why he was distressed as well as hesitant to trust anyone. His eyes where still brashly red from held tears and strange clouds. But he seemed to be trying to at least hold it together. Doing his best by bearing a fake, heavy smile and kicking back glasses of whiskey.

"Do you think that he should maybe slow down?" Tenten could more clearly see through Naruto's facade after Gaara's explanation and it raised her concern.

Naruto's stature was noticeably uncoordinated.

"Nope." Gaara looked at the emptiness of his own glass before pouring himself another.

"Um?" Tenten's facial expression begged an explanation.

_'Large crowds make me nervous as hell, but she doesn't need to know that.'_

"This mission is purely for recon. I'd rather we both played the part. I'm not exactly the most... "social."

"I suppose that explains why it took you so long to ask me on a date then." Her snide remark, however, didn't go unnoticed.

Gaara only smirked at her as he continued to fly through his next glass.

_'Definitely still got it.'_

"Interesting choice of words."

"Wait a minute! I didn't mean-"

"Hey, shorty! let's get this show on the road already." Naruto was anxious and ready to get things started. Waiting impatiently at the door for the duo, a nervous looking Hinata on his arm. "I don't have all night."

                        xXx

The line to the Lotus Bomb was jam packed at this point. Wrapping around the nearby street corner on onward for another block or so. Bodies on top of bodies huddled together on the tight street side to get into the place and almost no one seemed to mind the wait.

Except for Naruto.

"How in the hell is this place so packed on a MONDAY?"

Naruto has been through a lot that day and it didn't seem to be getting much better. His mother figure was announced dead, his own brother had to assist him in his outlaw lifestyle, he'd been shot at on multiple occasions, his budding relationship with Sakura had come to a train wreck of a halt, and to top it off. He was still sky high and increasingly intoxicated as he stood in an uncomfortably hot suit, on an uncomfortably hot day, on the most uncomfortable day of the fucking week.

The line moved for the first time in ten minutes, moving the group of four forward about two feet.

"Man I fucking hate lines..." he muttered.

Hinata was borderline supporting the man at this point, tactfully keeping him afloat as she wrapped a gentle arm around his waist and guided him forward.

"Naruto, maybe you should slow down a bit." Hinata's concern didn't go unnoticed as Naruto gently squeezed back with his hand draped over her shoulder.

"Trust me Hinata, you don't want him to do that. He'll be just fine." Gaara spoke for him when the blonde didn't answer.

Instead, he straightened up a bit as he pulled a small silver flask from his jacket pocket and took a swig. A gift from his late mother.

"Yeah Hinata, I'll be A, ok." Naruto said with a little more enthusiasm, completely with an over the top hand motion for "ok" and putting on a big smile as not to upset the girl.

_'If he doesn't pass out before we get in.'_

Gaara himself wasn't exactly... himself either. The prospect of large crowds didn't tend to sit well with him. Resulting in a great deal of indulgence on his part as well. Alcohol relaxed him and made it easier for him to open up to banter and other silly social activities. The later being the lighthearted flirting he did with Tenten as they waited.

Gaara and Naruto entertained their dates with conversation for another ten minutes before being interrupted by a large ape of a man in a black suit.

"Good evening Miss Hyūga. If you and your party would follow me to the front, we'll let you in immediately. Misses Yamanaka doesn't want such important social figures to have to wait in line."

"Oh! That's very kind of her." Hinata smiled up at her surprised date." Shall we?"

_'Admittedly there was a tactical reason behind suggesting Hinata come with us. But I don't think he'll put two and two together.'_

Gaara in fact referred to Hinata's rather luxurious home life. Yes, she worked a humble job as a barista, but it was more to keep her busy while she attended school. She was 22 and easily one of the richest individuals in Konoha due to her father's impressive career as a high profile lawyer for many celebrities. Kakashi Hatake, Itachi Uchiha, and most importantly.

Inoichi Yamanaka.

xXx

The inside of the building was just as impressive as the hype. The lights were dimmed and the music was loud. But it didn't take away from the stunning decor that was in place. All white everything, full murals on the ceiling and a solid marble flooring. More a spot for rich people to lounge than a club. No later than after finding a table, their target arrived to greet them.

The devil herself was dressed head to toe in Prada.

xXx

**Thoughts? Mistakes? Read, review, and (hopefully) enjoy. My revise is almost done for the next set.**

**-ST**


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